What does it mean to come in last? Losing, being behind everyone else, not being good enough. Here is the harder question: could you be training your brain to believe exactly that, every time you put yourself last?
A decade ago I sat in my neurologist’s office with horrible headaches and a slew of odd symptoms that scared me. The tests ruled out the bad stuff, yet I left more deflated than when I arrived, holding a “30-day prescription to improve my self-care.” At the time I wasn’t a believer. I had two young children and came last on my own list; on the outside life looked smooth, but inside I was imploding from stress. He was right, though. Improving my self-care and sleep could relieve the very symptoms I was experiencing. Finding my way to the top of my list took focus and mental fitness, and coming in last stopped being an option.
What is self-care, really?
Put yourself at the top of your to-do list every single day and the rest will fall into place.
Let’s dispel the myth that self-care is a luxury for the well-off, or that choosing it is selfish. Self-care is a way of living that recharges your brain’s battery and keeps your momentum forward. It is not woo-woo, and it is not optional. To be at your best, especially with ADHD wiring, you have to feed yourself what keeps you winning through life’s hardest knocks. Self-care is a daily practice, not a privilege.
How, then?
Step 1: Strengthen your awareness
Pausing to notice what you genuinely need is often the hardest first step, especially with ADHD, where slowing down feels like the wrong choice when there is so much to do. But pausing is not stopping; it is brain training in awareness. You can’t put yourself first without catching your thoughts and actions. You begin to win when you see your values show up in your daily choices. Ask the deeper why: why choose XYZ instead of getting to bed, and is it purpose or just habit driving it?
Step 2: Assess your needs
Get honest about how you are meeting your needs now. Break out old-fashioned paper and take a snapshot of your current self-care habits. This is a fact-finding mission, not judgment day, so set opinions aside and be as authentic as possible.
From there, self-care becomes a set of small, repeatable practices you build strength in over time. Caring for your body, mind, and spirit is your greatest responsibility, and no matter how your brain is wired, you deserve to stop coming in last.
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